


you're in a car with a beautiful boy

by Resacon1990



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Derek Feels, M/M, Stiles Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-11
Updated: 2013-10-11
Packaged: 2017-12-29 02:19:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/999714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Resacon1990/pseuds/Resacon1990
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>and he won't tell you that he loves you</p>
            </blockquote>





	you're in a car with a beautiful boy

**You're in a car with a beautiful boy,**

 

He's gorgeous, Stiles decides as he sits curled up against the leather seats of the camaro watching him stare out the windshield. He's gorgeous despite his tightly set jaw, his narrow gaze, his white knuckled hands on the steering wheel, his stiff posture and the complete hostility radiating off him. 

He's so gorgeous it _hurts_. 

"Derek." 

**and he won't tell you that he loves you,**

 

He can hear the steering wheel creak in protest as the hands tighten even more, but he doesn't comment as he waits for Derek to speak, say something, anything into the silence. 

"You're wrong." 

Stiles tries not to let that feel like a stab to the heart, but it does anyway and he sinks back into the seat and drops his gaze.

 

**but he loves you.**

 

He opens his mouth to protest after a moment, to say he's not _wrong_ but no words come out, and the look that Derek sends him makes him close it once again. Because he may love Derek, and he may want him, but Derek will never admit it in return. 

Because even if what the others say, what they smell and hear from Derek, is right, nothing will make Derek want to confirm it. Nothing will make him want to say those three words to him because he knows Derek is afraid, knows that he's scared of what will happen if he opens up and it tears Stiles to the bone. 

It makes him feel worse. 

 

**And you feel like you've done something terrible,**

 

"You can't keep running." 

And Stiles wants to cry as he says those words because he sees Derek flinch at them, sees the way they grasp on and make Derek's already stiff posture stiffen even more, makes the clenched jaw even tighter, makes everything worse. 

He wants to apologise instantly, wants to reach out and say he's sorry with every fibre of his being. But he doesn't as he just watches more of Derek fall apart, and he can't help but hate himself just a little bit more.

 

**like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt,**

 

"I'm not," Derek manages to croak after a long moment of silence, long enough for Stiles to have returned to staring out into the darkness. 

He doesn't look over, he can't do it, because arguing is taking it's toll on him and he just wants to sleep, to accept that maybe Derek just won't ever say anything.  

"Yes, you are."

 

**and you're tired.**

 

\---

 

**You're in a car with a beautiful boy,**

 

He's stunning in the moonlight filtering through the windshield, and Derek hates that he thinks that because he has no right, no right at all to think these things about a young man who has so much going for him. 

But he does. He thinks the pale skin is beautiful, the golden eyes are breathtaking, the _everything_ is so gorgeous and he feels as if he can't breathe. 

He knows it's wrong, so why is it right?

 

**and you're trying not to tell him that you love him,**

 

The words Stiles says, the three words, slam into him with a ton of force that rips him down to the bone and leaves him gasping for air. He's convinced himself he's not running, he's not running away from everything. 

But he knows that's a lie. 

He tries to tell himself it's not though, tries to keep the reality caged away, but some things just don't work like that.

 

**and you're trying to choke down the feeling,**

 

He can feel it, can feel the truth bubbling in his throat, _aching_ to get out, to tell Stiles everything. Can feel it growing every second and he hates it, hates it so much. 

Stiles breathing is slower now, and he glances over to see him leaning against the window with his eyes slowly closing. 

You'd think it'd be easy, he thinks, to say the words. But it's not. It never will be.

 

**and you're trembling,**

 

His hands are shaking with the grip he has on the steering wheel, and soon his breaths are the same as they start to come out in shudders, shudders that makes his whole body quake and his eyesight jump. 

Maybe he's having a panic attack, something that Stiles knows about and he wonders, if he is, will Stiles help him? 

He looks over again, surprised to see that Stiles is wide eyed as he looks back at him, and he nearly laughs. Of course Stiles would be looking. He's a werewolf having a breakdown. Why not look.

 

**but he reaches over and he touches you,**

 

He's not expecting Stiles to come closer, to slip a hand over one of his fists, and he's not expecting to instantly loosen it upon Stiles touch. But he does and Stiles covers his hand with his own and pulls it to his cheek. 

"It's okay, Derek," he murmurs, brushing his lips over Derek's knuckles. 

And Derek's breath hitches as he watches Stiles, watches the boy in front of him make him _feel_.

 

**like a prayer for which no words exist,**

 

Derek always thought that he was never supposed to find happiness.  

Not after Paige, not after Kate, or Jennifer. He ruins everything he touches and he's never wanted Stiles to be one of those things. He'll never forgive himself. 

But maybe happiness isn't given, or found, or taken. Maybe it just happens, and there is no reason.

 

**and you feel your heart taking root in your body,**

 

It's a warm glow, starting from his knuckles and running up his arm until it reaches his chest and _spreads_.  

The warmth is everywhere within seconds, and Derek finds himself leaning forward just as Stiles reaches out, and their arms are suddenly around each other and Derek is breathing in his smell, the smell of _Stiles_ so much like the warmth he feels coursing through his body.  

It's not happiness exactly, it's not overwhelming joy, it's something else. Something that feels like those things and something that doesn't. He can't explain it, but he feels _whole_. And he hopes Stiles knows this as he presses kisses to Stiles' forehead, hair and cheeks as the boy gasps against his skin.

 

**like you've discovered something you didn't even have a name for.**

**Author's Note:**

> I love Richard Siken's poetry, and this piece is just amazing.
> 
> This [video](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YuJ7Ir1ky38) inspired this whole fic: 
> 
> (Also made me fall so in love with the instrumental of the song)
> 
> [(these two are destroying my life)](http://resacon1990.tumblr.com/)


End file.
